Mothering boys

Just a few days ago, I thought to myself, 'now I know why the guy's mother gets over-possessive, and jealous when he finally gets old enough to bring a girl home'.

My boys are my joy, my pride, everything I ever wanted from God and more. The joy of seeing them smile, the pain of seeing them cry when they are hurt.
I remember the very first time I spanked my older son and how I cried as he cried. Looking at him when I first gave birth to him I never thought a day will come when I would raise a finger at him.
He looked so adorable, still does. It pained me that I hurt him and made him cry. The look on his face as he cried was that of unbelief that this same person who could love him so could also cause him pain.

I've since consoled myself with the axiom, 'spare the rod and spoil the child'.

I remember with nostalgia the first time he cupped my face in his hands and planted a kiss on my lips. Oh, how sweet! I felt so on top of the world. Although, those kisses come more often now when he wants something or when he needs me to overlook something he's done.

He still makes me happy whenever they come and often hits home with it. 

I see them in the future and I assure myself I won't manipulate them for their time and attention when its finally time for them to leave so they can cleave to their own spouses. I will let them be and enjoy only the love and attention of their father, my first love before they ever came along and shared me with him.

I will be content in knowing that they are visitors who came to be a part of our lives but now have their own lives to live. I will be content with whatever little time they can spare for me in their very busy schedules and time away from their spouses.

I must be dreaming because as I look at my sleeping younger son, I wonder if I will ever be prepared to let go.

Hmph! I'm loving this feeling of being plastered with mushy, wet kisses by my sons' saliva. Will I ever be okay to let them shower all these love on some other woman who knows nothing about what I went through to have them or the bond that has grown between us through the years?

Will I ever want to give up my place of being the first lady in their lives and let someone else be who they consult first before doing anything, relegating me to the background?

How will it feel to know they have to wake up beside another woman who isn't me, everyday of their lives till old age.

Guess this is how a lot of mothers of boys feel, the degrees may vary though but its the same feeling nonetheless.

And I'd like to help us with coming to terms with the fact that we are mere caretakers. Sure we carried them in our wombs for nine months and were there through their growing and formative years. But the law of life says there's a time called maturity these ones get to and must move on, otherwise they'd remain babies in our eyes forever.
And may find it difficult to reach their full potentials.

Any moms out there who is finding it difficult to let go? Is there any who has succeeded in letting go, releasing your son to find and mind his home without interference from you?

Please share with me, I'd like to know how to deal with it when the time comes.

Shalom!

TRUST ISSUES

I seem to be the only one who has trust issues. I mean I can't just bring myself to trust people. Not with my time, resources, family etc.
You see it started a long time ago, and then I tried to let go but each time I opened up I was disappointed. So I've given up trying.
I find it easier to give people the benefit of doubt than to throw all caution to the winds and expect a miracle.
I love surprises but only when they are pleasant of course.
In recent times social media has been agog with stories of house-helps gone wrong, I seem to be the worst hit. I shudder in reminiscence of what I went through as a child in the face of what these "house-helps from hell" unleash on the children placed in their care.
One day, soon, I shall be ready to tell my story to the world.
So I decided I was never going to bring a help into my home. The world we live in has become a thriving ground for evil and nefarious activities. I chose to rather take my kid to a creche/daycare center.
As usual, I would read out my riot act, lol at that, to the care givers before handing the child over. 
Do not induce my child to sleep by the use of any form of drug or chemical substance. Do not use somebody else's material, especially things that go into the mouth. Do not give him someone else's food even if he rejects what I have packed for him and has had to stay hungry for hours,etc.
My list is not usually a very long one and they are encouraged to 'flash' me while I call back in the case they needed further clarifications or help.
So you can imagine my chagrin when on this fateful day I was to drop the lad quite late because of the things I needed to tidy up at home and on getting to the creche about fourteen children all under one year were sleeping at the same time, their care givers too had 'arranged' themselves nicely for a good nap.
And then I remembered the day one of them said to me, "we're christians, we don't do such".
Transfixed there, I kept trying to understand the scene before me. 
I had to withdraw the child that day and that closed the chapter of creches for me.

I don't have any regrets but I wish we could have trust worthy people to handle our kids while we go about trying to assist the family income without fear for the children's safety.

 To think that someone will open her door for a total stranger one night and leave same stranger all alone with her kids the next morning is rather careless in my opinion and before I get a backlash for this I do understand the woman's plight at the said time and understand too that sometimes one cannot be too careful but the welfare of the children should have come first vis a vis ensuring that the children were in 'safe' hands not 'strange' hands.

A lot of our mothers have graduated from this stage and a lot of us are currently  in it. Reading others' experience can go a long way in assisting us.

So what's your story?